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"The one thing that doesn't abide by majority rule is a person's conscience."
4 most recent entries

Date:2007-05-22 01:20

    So the past few weeks have basically been the best weeks of my life. I'm happier than I've ever been. I've given up vices and have also adopted a few. :) I'm less stressed, I smile more, and I am finally myself again. All because of a girl.
     I made a B in math because I have an amazing friend/tutor/lover. ;)  I didn't fail anything. :) In fact, I only made 2 C's. LOL- sounds trivial, but I couldn't have done it without a little help. 
     American Idol is almost over. Meaning that summer is here. AKA- the best time of the year for me. Having lived in Alabama my whole life, I've gotten pretty acclimated to the weather. Theres nothing better than speeding down the highway with the windows down and great music blasting. I'm working a lot. Of course. But I'm also going to take a couple of classes, maybe take a trip to Savannah, Georgia, maybe one to Destin, Florida, one to ATL, and a bunch to good ole B'ham. Thats basically it for me for this summer. My nights are spent doing naughty things that I couldn't possibly discuss. In detail......
    I have a new tattoo. Its an ambigram. Basically its two different words made to look like one. It reads "Destiny" one way, and "choice" the other way. Im having stars added above it. And then later, I'm having flames with my dads initials put in behind my phoenix. Then I'll be set. For a long time I hope. I love pain, but I don't want to overdose on it. :) 
   More updates to come. Right now, just know I'm happy. 

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Date:2007-04-24 23:00
Subject:I'm the happiest girl in the world today....

I made an "A" on my math exam today! I studied so hard and for such a long time. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I've not made an "A" in math since middle school and I wasn't expecting one today. When I found out that I had to make an "A" to get a "B" in the class, I freaked out. My brain just doesn't compute the way it should. BUT I DID IT!! I'm proud of myself and I'm more excited than I've been in a long time. So be happy with me!

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Date:2007-04-22 18:37

Ani DiFranco

on one hand i'm walking
the way that i do
linkin like i'm lost in thought
but i'm looking for you
it's so subconscious
the way that i feel
too bad my subconscious life
is the more real

and i ain't in the best shape
that i've ever been in
but i know where i'm going
it ain't where i've been
i know where i'm going
and it ain't where i've been

some kind of anxiety
has gotten hold of my heart
and i just wanna run home
when i feel it start
plastic bottles of water
sealed windows, forced air
gazillions of cell phones
beaming through my hair

and i ain't in the best shape
that i've ever been in
but i know where i'm going
it ain't where i've been
i know where i'm going
and it ain't where i've been

i'm tossing and turning
between sleepless dreams
i'm poised on the edge of
what it all means
so i turn my back
and i spread my arms wide
and i let myself fall in
way deep inside

and i ain't in the best shape
that i've ever been in
but i know where i'm going
it ain't where i've been
i know where i'm going
and it ain't where i've been

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Date:2007-04-18 18:24

I want to cry and I can't. I want to hurt someone and I can't. I want to eat a cookie and pretend 
everything's going to be ok. My world is falling in on itself. I'm alone again. There's no one 
hold me and love me. No one to cry for me when I can't. No one to help me escape. Everything is 
different now. Things at work are changing because of power hungry animals, my dad's 
getting so much better and I have no one to celebrate with when he gets tired of celebrating.
I never realized how much I need someone to talk to, be with, love, and feel beside me before.

I almost feel like a whiney little girl who's not getting her way when I go to work now. I've been 
there for two years, i've been running the place for the past year, and things are changing.
God knows I'm not a person afraid of change. Especially when there's a need for it, but when
it comes to changing things that are fine the way they are just because someone currently
has the power to, is unfair and wrong. I get frustrated and angry at the smallest things. 

My job was threatened today because I was against the idea of having a new dress code during 
the off season, and a uniform on game days. Like a\I said, I've been helping run the worlds
largest Alabama retail store for the past couple of years, and things are just now being changed. 
They're changing because the owner now has a middle man (my new manager) to tell us what
to do. The new manager doesnt have the balls to argue with the owner, and the owner hasnt had 
the balls to tell anyone what to do in the years I have been here. It's only now that he has someone 
do the dirty work that it's getting done. And it's unfair.

My best friend started marriage counseling this week because his wife is afraid he and I are too 
close and she believes theres a possibility we're having an affair. I AM NOT that kind of person.
I love him, I always will, but we're no longer able to be friends. I can't hurt someones marriage 
just because I want to keep a friendship intact.  He understands that, and he agrees. I just wish
there was a less painful way of going about it. I'm upset at the situation and the worlds inability
to see what real love is like. Just because there is a relationship there doesnt mean it goes any
farther than that of a close friendship. I want to punch every person in the face that doesnt under-
stand that. Why do I have to hurt because it makes everyone else feel better?

Oh, and just to piss me off, the University decided to fuck me in the ass AGAIN today. I'm starting 
to get used to it though. It's kinda nice. LOL- I was told I could register today and when I went to 
finally do it (after a week of not being able to) NONEof my classes were available. I'm on three wait 
lists and I've e-mailed 5 instructors trying toget permits into the class. I'm pissed. Someone give me 
a punching bag. Someone BE my punching bag. 

**And yes, I'm keeping everyone at Virginia Tech in my thoughts. I know things are a lot worse 
for them now than they are for me. I hate that I'm being such a bitch when things like that have 
been going down. Forgive me.

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